worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
