Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Are we still banned from the library?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
