forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
