it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
