talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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