he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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