i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
