please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
