I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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