Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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