its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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