i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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