C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
