and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
