just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
