my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
