I'm going to rape someone's good day.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
