Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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