Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
