I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
