You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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