God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
