Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
