The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
