No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
