That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
