you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
