all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
