Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
