in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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