my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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