dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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