My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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