You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
this hospital has no fireball
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
