I can text with my tongue
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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