You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
