Taylor Swift is so right about you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
