There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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