ugly people sure do ruin things
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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