First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
