On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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