if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
