I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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