I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
