I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
When are your genitals available?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
