I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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