She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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