you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
