You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
