oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
